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In His Loving Grace,
Rev. Wayne Monbleau
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Viewing Setbacks As Steps Forward
by Rev. Wayne Monbleau
From
Why Is This Happening To Me
The Transformation Of A Wounded Healer
CLC Publications
It has definitely been in my darkest moments that I have seen the light of God's love and power shine the brightest.
I have come to believe that His light shines all the time. The question is not "Does God care about me?" The real question is "Am I willing to believe He cares about me?" Am I willing to wait for His timing? Jesus has done His part. He has given me all I need, but am I willing to actively receive His love instead of remaining stuck in self-pity? Am I willing to recognize God's purpose, ministry and light in me in the midst of my sufferings? Each day, moment by moment, we are given the choice to look either to our God or to our affliction.
Throughout my thirty-one years as a counselor, I have seen people's trials produce very different and sometimes completely opposite results. I have spoken with dear souls who have endured incredible suffering and yet, through their hardships, they have become more giving, sensitive and joyful. Their experiences have actually brought out an inner beauty which they had been unaware of. Through their willingness to see God's purpose in their affliction, they have been radiantly transformed into the image of Christ.
The question is not "Does God care about me?" The real question is "Am I willing to believe He cares about me?" |
On the other hand, I have spoken with individuals who have gone through deep suffering and have come away from their experiences hardened, bitter and cynical. Convinced that God has let them down, they conclude that He must be a liar or that He doesn't care for them as He cares for most of His children. They feel completely abandoned, and they won't forgive God for it.
Depending on our perspective, our trials will either soften or harden our hearts toward God and humanity. It is up to us, I believe, to decide which way we will turn. We can continue following the old pattern of fighting every setback, or we can choose to begin viewing our setbacks as steps forward.
In my counseling ministry I have seen many people come away from suffering with hardened hearts. These folks never saw the value of accepting their tribulations. Some were still feeling guilt for having trials. Others couldn't seem to focus on anything other than their pain. Still others had accepted some formula that said that if their faith was strong, they could "confess" certain Scriptures and their trials would disappear. Maybe they "naturally" assumed trials were bad and therefore should be avoided at all costs.
Those who refuse to see the value of suffering have no other option but to become hardened in their hearts. Every new act of affliction only indicates to them just how little God cares. Instead of walking in the light, they are forever projecting ahead toward the next disaster waiting to hit them. Instead of judging their experience on the basis of God's word and character, they have, unfortunately, judged God on the basis of their experience.
One of the primary reasons Jesus willingly accepted His own suffering
was so He could be sympathetic & merciful to us in our times of suffering. |
Perhaps all of us have experienced moments of despair when we felt that we couldn't endure one more setback or difficulty. In times like these, it's helpful to contemplate the sufferings of Christ; for one of the primary reasons Jesus willingly accepted His own suffering was so He could be sympathetic and merciful to us in our times of suffering.
"For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are. ...Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need" (Heb. 4:15-16).
If we would only open our hearts to God instead of feeling like a failure before Him, we would realize He is the One who desires to help and love us through to the other side.
I'm not saying I look forward to suffering. It's not as if I can't wait for the next "lesson from God's furnace." I'm not some spiritual masochist (getting my kicks out of getting my kicks). I enjoy peace, and I look forward to heaven where sorrow and suffering will be things of the past. But if we are going to truly live in God's peace, then shouldn't it be a peace that exists on the mountain of blessing as well as in the valley of the shadow of death? By seeing His light, regardless of our darkness, we do have peace because it is Him we are seeing.
It's tough being in the midst of some trial - praying, fasting, trusting the Lord and trying as much as it is within your power to live according to the will of God. You may be painfully aware of the fact that your strength is depleted. You know you need Him, yet nothing seems to happen. There's just this awful silence. In a time like that, it is pretty easy to get angry with God.
You may be screaming (within your heart, if not out loud at church) "I can't take anymore, God. Your Word says you won't give me more than I can bear, and I'm telling you, I can't bear anymore!" And all the while you feel as if God just keeps cranking up the temperature in your own furnace of affliction. One conclusion I've come to through my own trials is that what God thinks I can bear and what I think I can bear must be two very different things.
What if we were willing to see our difficulties in a new light, accepting rather than rejecting our trials? We would free ourselves from anger. |
When we're in the midst of difficulty, we hardly ever know what is going on or what the purpose of it all is. It's often only when we are on the other side of suffering that we can look back and discover the life that has been made manifest in us, and through us, as a result of our tribulation. We may praise God when we exercise hindsight, but it's difficult to praise Him when we're smack-dab in the middle of some fire, calling out His name while He seems to have gone fishing.
But what if we were willing to see our difficulties in a new light, accepting rather than rejecting our trials? We would free ourselves from anger (at God, others and ourselves) and fear ("What did I do wrong?" and "What will happen next?"). We would clear the air to see God with us and in us all the time. If we choose in our dark times to see God rather than our circumstances, we put ourselves in the best place to see His "mercy and... grace to help in time of need" (Heb. 4:16). When we believe His goodness is constant, these present trials are transformed and empowered to shape within us the beautiful heart of a wounded healer.
Seeing God's treasure in the midst of our suffering develops increased compassion, desire and wisdom within us to give to others in their suffering. This, in turn, brings deeper healing to our own hearts. As we see ourselves caring more for others, we catch the first glimpse of the rare joy that is ours in sharing the fellowship of Christ's sufferings (Phil. 3:10). As we find God's light in our darkness, allowing our afflictions to sensitize our hearts toward others in their pain, we may even actually begin thanking Him for our sufferings!
God gives us gifts in our adversities that we cannot receive any other way. In particular, the truth of the Wounded Healer can only be manifest in our lives through our own personal contact with suffering. To ignore the wisdom of our trials would be to ignore the very place of God's power in our lives. If we avoid our problems, we may as well avoid our emotional and spiritual development.
To see God's love all the time, regardless of our circumstances, is to enable ourselves to love God all the time. |
As hard as it may be to accept, I believe pain and suffering are our link with humanity. After all, why are we here? What is our ultimate purpose in life? Why are we Christians? Aren't we here to realize God as our life, and aren't we commissioned to bring this message of good news to this hurting and dying world? If our primary purpose is to live in union with our Creator, fulfilling the greatest commandment to love Him with all our heart, soul, mind and strength, then doesn't it make sense that to love Him all the time means we must see Him all the time? John put it this way, "We love, because He first loved us" (1 John 4:19). In other words we can't love God except as He loves us. So to see God's love all the time, regardless of our circumstances, is to enable ourselves to love God all the time.
However as we look at this foremost command of God, let's not forget our secondary purpose. When Jesus stated that the greatest commandment was to love Him, He went on to say in the same breath, "And love your neighbor as yourself."
We are not here only for ourselves. We live much of our lives for others, and paradoxically, it is in living for others that we find our own healing, fulfillment and completeness. Only when we take ourselves off the pedestal can we discover ourselves. Jesus put it this way: When we lose our life for His sake we are actually finding our life (Luke 9:24).
As long as we live an "I"-centered existence, assuming that "I" should always feel good and have no problems, we deprive ourselves of the very peace, joy and abundant life we want. Our "I"-centeredness only makes us rebel against every unpleasant circumstance. But by accepting all of life, trials as well as triumphs, we accept God's goodness on our behalf at all times and are therefore enabled and empowered to give God's goodness to others all the time. By giving our life away, we gain an understanding of our true life.
God will fulfill His promises perfectly, every time, on time and in His time according to His love and care for our ultimate good. |
The paradox is, it’s often not until we reach this point of hitting the proverbial bottom of the barrel that we finally break through the confining restrictions of our circumstances into the glorious awareness of our higher life in Christ. When we’re willing to see God in our cross, that’s when we begin taking the first baby steps of resurrection life.
From this point on, we know better than to select which Bible promises we want to believe. In accepting Christ’s presence and treasure within our tribulations, we finally come to the place of resting and trusting in God’s wisdom and care for us. By yielding ourselves to become wounded healers, we are content, knowing God will fulfill His promises perfectly, every time, on time and in His time according to His love and care for our ultimate good.
Somebody once said, “Men would pluck their mercies green, when the Lord would have them ripe for us.” That’s us all right. We want our prayers answered right away. We assume we know what is needed; we tell God and then we give Him about two seconds to produce an answer. If we don’t see an immediate payoff, we begin complaining. We do the worst possible thing at that moment. Instead of looking for God’s hand at work in our lives, we doubt Him and begin looking for someone or something on which to blame our “unanswered prayer.” Inwardly we feel that God isn’t living up to His end of the bargain. By thinking this way, we alienate ourselves from the very One who can help us.
How often have we failed to see God’s love at work in our lives? We’re quick to give up when it appears He is delaying His answer. I no longer believe God delays His answers. I believe He goes right to work the moment we pray.
If we would only take our eyes off our requests and focus on Him, we would be able to see Him ministering to us at the level of our deepest need.
Through the act of accepting our trials and waiting upon God in them, we are given an opportunity to become conduits of divine life. We’re just human beings, full of flaws. But if we will allow it, these flaws can become avenues for the light of Christ to shine through us, granting light to others who are also in pain and in need of God’s love.
What greater gift could God give us than that of bringing His tender, healing love to others? If you care to see it, your suffering is nothing less than the answer to your heart’s desire to be like Jesus.
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